FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
