Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
