I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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