Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
