i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
