I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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