Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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