I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
