God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize