if you like me you must not know who I am
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
