I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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