do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
