I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
