I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
