We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
