Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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