Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You left your phone here
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