That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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