Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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