where does the pee come out of this thing
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
