The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
