I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
