He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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