you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
