pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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