I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
