the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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