I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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