lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
