You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
