What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
