soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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