My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
