highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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