Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
