The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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