ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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