the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
