didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
