I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
