just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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