i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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