Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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