Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
