i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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