Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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