I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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