She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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