The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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