Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
