Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
