Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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