areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
