Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
