Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
