I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
