he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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