just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
