That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
