apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
