i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
