if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
