Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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