I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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