At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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