My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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