i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
