If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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