toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
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