Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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