I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh god it's open bar.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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